Time Flies!

Remember how I used to blog frequently? Well, that sure has changed. I'm glad I wrote down my birth story when I did, because otherwise I probably would have forgotten everything. Since that post, I have just been trying to keep up and adjust to life with a baby. It has been a challenge to say the least. I've debated how much I actually want to share. Some things are just too personal, which is probably why I haven't posted for almost a month. 

Side note: Clearly I jumped the gun on my announcement to go private. I am still debating. I don't really post that many pictures anyways, and there are plenty of bloggers with WAAAAY more readers than I have that post pictures of their little ones. What to do, what to do...

Back to the post. Having a baby isn't the blissful experience I had expected. I thought I would connect instantly with my baby, but it's been more of a journey to feel that love and bond with her. I have constantly doubted myself and compared myself to the many friends that have seemed to be head over heels for the babies from day one. I've thought about the pictures and captions I've seen talking about how happy they are and everything seems so perfect and wonderful in their lives. I felt like the worst mother on the planet. At times I have felt emotionless and empty. Other times I have felt beyond frustrated and helpless. 

Ellie hasn't been the greatest eater. The first time I tried to nurse right after she was born, she just screamed and shook her head. They had to use all sorts of tools to try and get her to eat. They tried a drip thing that had formula dripping into her mouth to try and encourage her to suck. That kind of worked. Then they added a shield to the mix. That helped a little more. The last tool was a syringe filled with formula. I would wear the shield while someone would squirt formula into the side of her mouth. She needed the instant gratification. She was not interested in having to work for the food. I felt completely defective (and still do sometimes since I am still using the shield). It also broke my heart to see her struggling so much to eat. She was so hungry and my body wasn't making it easy for her to eat. That first week home was so hard for me. I was so angry because every feeding was like a war. It took an additional person to get her to latch because of the syringe and even when she did latch, it wasn't for long. Then we ran out of formula and I panicked about what we would squirt her with. I started to pump to replace the formula, which did make me feel better, knowing she was now only getting breast milk. But I still couldn't see an end to the difficulties and worried I would never be able to feed her by myself. Luckily, after much determination, I finally broke her of the syringe. I keep trying to break her of the shield but she's not quite ready. I really hope I can break her eventually, the shield is becoming really obnoxious.

My point in telling about the eating problems, is to help explain why my ability to bond and connect with her was hindered. I was told many times that breastfeeding is extra frustrating because it's supposed to be natural but it takes practice. I believed that, but I still thought I would be able to get the hang of it with her without so many tools. In fact, I didn't even know that those tools existed. I thought if I couldn't breastfeed right away, I would have to turn to pumping exclusively or using formula. Even though it hasn't been perfect, I am extremely grateful that those tools exist so that she can get the breast milk, without having to go through the hassle of pumping and warming bottles and storing milk. 

Anyways, I haven't wanted to blog because I like to be honest in my posts, and I didn't feel like I could honestly say that I was loving life with my baby; I couldn't say that I felt so lucky and couldn't imagine life without her, all of which I have read many times on other blogs. I'm sure that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. The baby blues are real, and I have been worried I was going to have postpartum depression. I kept a lot of my feelings in, because I didn't want to be told to go talk to a doctor and get medication. I so badly didn't want to be on medication and feared that I was going to have to be.

One night about a week ago, I lost it. I handed Ellie off to Mathew and shut myself in the closet and just cried and prayed. Mathew got her to sleep and came in to talk to me. Our conversation is very personal, but he asked if I wanted a blessing, which he then gave to me. I don't think I have ever felt such a dramatic change after a blessing as I did after that one. It makes me cry just thinking about it. Things have been completely different since that blessing. I feel so much more joy and happiness when I'm with Ellie. There are still moments of frustration but they don't bring me down like they did. I can honestly say now that I love my daughter and can't imagine not having her. I have been able to bond with her so much more and am looking forward to all of our time together as I watch her grow and develop. 

I hope that whoever reads this can try to be understanding. If I would have read this before I had Ellie, I would have been horrified and judgmental. I have a new perspective now, though. Having a baby is hard and no matter how many people said that to me, I didn't fully comprehend the reality of that. For some mothers, the love for their child comes instantly and without a doubt. For others, like myself, it takes time. I wish it would have been easier for me, but then it wouldn't be worth it right? I'm grateful to be a mom and have a little one to take care of. I know things can only get better. I'm incredibly grateful for Mathew and his unconditional love for both Ellie and me. He has had faith and confidence in me since the beginning, which has contributed greatly to my ability to get through the struggles. Now that things are so much better, I hope to be able to blog more and talk about all the exciting and happy times we are having with Ellie! We love our baby girl, for real! :) 

Ellie Diane Williams

We officially have a new member to our family! Sometimes it still seems so surreal that she is actually here. I pretty much just sit and stare at her all day. I guess since birth stories are the thing to do, I will share her story.

Wednesday, May 1 was my due date. Leading up to that day, I hadn't had any obvious labor signs. I kept walking every day like usual hoping I would get things going. At 2:00 a.m. Wednesday morning, my eyes shot open. I was having a contraction. I laid there for a bit and another one came along. I was so stoked. Maybe I was going to start labor soon. I went into the bathroom and wiped blood. I have never been so excited to see blood before. I got back in bed and timed a couple contractions just to see. I honestly don't really remember the specifics but I do remember them being about the right length and close enough together to get me excited. I tried to tell myself that it was probably just pre-labor and to not get my hopes up. I got back to sleep but was in and out experiencing contractions until about 6 a.m. I was really bummed when it all just stopped, but I just went about my day like normal, looking forward to my doctor's appointment that afternoon.

At 12:45 I picked Mathew up from class so we could go to my doctor's appointment. The doctor and I had a little chat about what would happen if I didn't go in to labor on my own and why it would be wise to induce before too long. I was still hopeful that I would go into labor on my own but was to the point where I accepted the possibility of needing an induction. He offered to strip my membranes to help things get going naturally and I gladly accepted. I was so not prepared for that pain though. It was so uncomfortable! Apparently I was dilated "closer to a 3" at that point. (I had been at a 2 for the previous two weeks). I was so bummed. I was really hoping that those contractions I had were really helping. The doc sent me in to get an ultrasound to check the fluid and the placenta. I was kind of beyond excited to see our little baby again. I had them check to see she was in fact a girl and sighed with relief when it was confirmed. No need to return anything, yay! All looked good on the ultrasound, but they still hooked me up to the NST monitors. That is about the most boring experience ever. She wasn't cooperating no matter what they tried: pushing her around, juice, etc. and her heart rate was low-ish, but the doctor decided everything was okay and she was probably just really sleepy.

They set an induction date for May 7 and sent me on my way. My doctor's last words as he set the date were that he had an inkling I would be back in sooner. We got home and ate lunch and the contractions started coming. At first they were about 7 minutes apart and lasting at least a minute. I got up and walked around to test them and see if they were real. They kept going and got closer and closer. I went upstairs to finish packing the hospital bag and they were at 2 minutes apart. I was freaking out. I sat back down to test them again and they stopped. We just kind of hung around the house waiting until 8 o'clock when we went to Mathew's brother's apartment to watch Psych. I had a few really strong contractions during the show, but they were far apart so I didn't think anything of it. I decided she just wasn't coming until another day. On the drive home, we hit a few bumps and I was shocked at how painful and strong the contractions were. When we got home, they kept coming but didn't get much closer until about 10. That's when things really started moving. Each contraction was really strong. They were starting to take my breath away. We were timing them and they were 4 minutes apart and lasting 1-2 minutes. For some reason, I still wasn't convinced it was really labor.

After an hour, I finally called the hospital to see what they thought I should do. She said since I wanted to go natural to just stay at home if I wanted, but they would definitely check me if I wanted to go in. She ended with "sounds like we'll be seeing you soon." I told Mathew that we would leave at 11:30 if I was still contracting consistently. By 11:20, I was way beyond calmly breathing through my contractions and was yelling. We frantically grabbed everything again (I had decided it was okay to unpack-stupid!) and got in the car. Of course as soon as we started driving, my contractions stopped, but then the biggest one hit me and I could barely sit still.

When we got to the hospital, I waddled slowly up to the door, only to discover it was closed for the night, so Mathew ran back to the car to pick me up, and we headed to the emergency entrance instead. I got checked in and turned down the wheelchair to labor and delivery. I swear that was the longest walk ever and I was embarrassed I had to keep stopping to get through my contractions.

So I got all strapped up to the monitors and got checked. I was at a 5! However, baby was under a little stress because I was dehydrated so they got working on getting an IV going. Since she needed monitored for at least 20 minutes, I was forced to sit in bed. Worst thing ever. I was having back pain along with my contractions that didn't subside between contractions and I was so unbelievably uncomfortable. The nurse also said I was having couplet contractions, so I was getting a second contraction as the previous was fading. No wonder I never felt like I got a break. She also bummed me out by saying they usually weren't as effective at progressing labor. I was so discouraged. Finally, after a while, they managed to get a monitor that I could be strapped to and still get up and move around, but by that time, I was in so much pain from sitting that nothing seemed to help me get through a contraction without screaming. I kept saying to the nurse that I was sorry I was the screamer in the building haha.

With each contraction, I cried to Mathew that I didn't want to do it anymore without an epidural. I also caught a glimpse of the heart rate monitor during a contraction, and her heart rate had dropped to 68, so I was freaked out. He stayed strong and kept telling me I could do it, just like I taught him, so I kept going. I had to pee and that's when I lost it. The pain from sitting was absolutely unbearable. When the nurse came in I told her I wanted the epidural. She checked me and I was at a 6. I barely managed to sign the paperwork. After she left to get the anesthesiologist, I was back sitting in bed and had a death grip on Mathew's shirt and was screaming and crying and thrashing. When the anesthesiologist came in, he tried to talk calmly to me but I could tell he was concerned about me being able to hold still enough, with good reason. They sat me up and I curled over the side of the bed. I was absolutely terrified and almost changed my mind, but somehow I was able to stay very calm and focused. After the epidural was in, he admitted that he was concerned for me and was impressed at my control. If only I could have had the control before! The epidural was a very low dose and I was still able to feel a lot, which I was really happy about.

They checked me again after it was in at about 1:30 I think and I was at an 8. Seriously? That fast? Then at 2:00-ish, they checked again and I was complete. I was shocked when she said that. I had been there for two hours and was ready to push. Well, the only bad news about that was that I had Strep B and needed antibiotics in my system for 4 hours before she could come out. By the time they got the antibiotics from the pharmacist and hooked up to my IV, it was only 1:00, so I had only been treated for an hour. I prayed that somehow we were going to be able to keep her in long enough. The nurse and I both said before we knew I was complete that we were hoping the epidural would slow things down since I had been progressing so fast. When I still had three hours of needing to be treated, I was extremely grateful for the epidural. I had to resist pushing for an hour, which was pretty difficult with an epidural.

So, at 3 a.m., the nurse came in and we did a few practice pushes and then when my next contraction came, we pushed for real. It took a few contractions before I really figured out where to feel my pushes, but I finally got it. I kept pushing and we kept hoping that time would go quickly and I would get all my antibiotics in. She had me resist pushing every now and then, which wasn't hard until about 4:45. At that point, when I had to resist, I was shaking. Mathew did so good to keep me as calm as possible. Some pushes I had to resist to slow things down, and others were because the nurse kept losing her heart rate. I started to get really scared that something was wrong with the baby. The heart rate was so hard to find and sometimes I couldn't hear it at all. The nurse assured me all was fine, but I still couldnt help but worry. At 5 a.m., I was officially treated and the doctor was on his way. I couldn't believe I was about to have my baby here. I pushed until 5:23 when my baby finally came out. It felt like forever before they finally put her on me. I just cried, I was so happy and relieved. Apparently, the cord was wrapped around her neck twice, and it's kind of a miracle that she didn't have any problems. She was perfectly pink and screaming just like she should have been. During my entire stay at the hospital, every nurse that came in my room kept saying she had a really stressful delivery. I didn't really realize how stressful it was for her and that she is a little miracle. She is an incredible blessing.

 In my preparation for labor, I prayed that I would be inspired during my labor and be able to make the right decision on epidural vs. no epidural. As badly as I wanted to be able to labor naturally, I know that Heavenly Father made it hard enough for me that I felt the need to change my plan. Had I waited any longer, I may have been too far dilated to be able to get one and I would have had to resist pushing without any sort of pain management. I don't think I could have handled it and she may have been born without being treated. With all the stress that she went through and with the cord being wrapped around her neck, the worst thing would have been for her to come out without me being treated. That epidural may have saved her life. I know that might be a little dramatic but you never know and I feel strongly that the epidural was necessary for her safety. I'm so grateful that she made it here safely and that I have a beautiful little baby to snuggle. It's been extremely difficult from day one. She has had major issues feeding but we almost have them all worked out. She is a precious little angel and I love her so much.

 I look terrible in this but it's still our first family photo!

 She loves having her hands by her face. I also think this is the sweetest picture of Ellie and Mathew. He is the absolute BEST dad ever!

And she hated the car seat! 

Sewing for Baby

Seeing as I never post pictures on this blog (now I remember why, they take forever to upload), I thought I would take a break from my regular posts and show my projects for baby! 

 Some swaddling/receiving blankets. There's a third muslin one (which is really gauze...I don't know why on earth they call them muslin swaddle blankets) that's dark brown but it's being washed. My mom bought me the cute fabric on the right. That heart decorative stitch took soooo long and tons of thread. I was so happy to have that finished!

 A little swaddling thing. I fell in LOVE with this fabric. I knew I had to make something with it.

 Burp cloths with leftover scraps. I made a carseat cover with the minky but it's in Mathew's car (all prepped for the ride home after delivery!!!). I guess it will get it's own post sometime.

 More scrap burp cloths. Below is the back of the burp cloth that's on the left.

 Diaper strap. Pinned this on Pinterest months ago and finally made it!

 Sleep Sack. I bought this fabric years ago and finally found a use for it. Sorry about the sideways shot, I promise these last two were flipped before I uploaded them.

 Nursing cover! With a convenient little pocket (bottom right). Not sure what it's for, but I'm sure I will find out haha.

 Okay, this is an old project. It was my very first attempt at free-motion quilting. I made it in a home decor class two years ago. It got me hooked on free-motion. And of course wonderfully soft minky on the back. :)

 Lucky I chose a girly fabric!

And finally, the completed cross stitch bear quilt. I can happily say that this one did NOT take me 8 years like the boy version. I finished this back in January but kept forgetting to take a picture of it.

 Super bummed that I accidentally chose a thread that was too light to quilt with so you can't really see all the hard work, but oh well. 

I stippled most of it because I didn't want too much distraction from the bears, but in that skinny flower border in the pic just above this one, I did hearts to add a little variety. 

Feeling Humbled

I don't know how many people saw my post a while ago about the doctor who basically made me feel like the biggest failure because I had gained too much weight. Well, if you didn't see it, I'm sorry I can't link back because I accidentally deleted it, but pretty much at 31 weeks I was lectured about how I was gaining too much weight and I couldn't gain any more and I was putting myself at risk for a c-section and giving my baby diabetes. It was a horrifying appointment and I had never felt worse about myself.

Well after a long day of crying and feeling crappy, I decided to make a commitment to be healthier. I figured I would eat healthy and probably still gain weight and so he would just have to deal and accept that my body just puts on more weight than average during pregnancy. I didn't think I was doing THAT bad. I really just thought I was someone who naturally had more weight gain. I thought he was just being a butt-head doctor who only focused on averages and didn't realize that everyone is different and it's okay to gain a little extra weight. I still think he handled the situation terribly and could have been much nicer and gentle with me...but I'm kind of grateful that I received a reality check. Here I am 8 weeks later and instead of gaining the extra 12 pounds that I was on track to gain, I am up 1. Instead of measuring 3 weeks ahead like I was at 31 weeks, I have been measuring right on track at every appointment. I feel so much better at 39 weeks than I did at 29. I don't feel like I'm miserable and ready to be done being pregnant. Granted, I am anxious to be done to meet my baby girl, but my anxiousness has nothing to do with being uncomfortable. I haven't had any major swelling that I hear happens the last few weeks either. Sometimes I feel like my face looks chubby, but maybe it's in my head. I'm just happy my ankles and fingers have managed to stay looking normal.

I thought for sure it wouldn't be healthy for me to worry about calories and start a walking routine everyday. I was convinced that it was a bad time to change things. I was too far along! It wasn't smart to try to restrict my diet. Well, I was wrong. Completely wrong. Those changes were exactly what I needed. I can't imagine how different I would be feeling right now if that doctor hadn't spoken up and given me the hard truth. I have avoided him every single appointment since then, so I have no idea what other things he would have said to me. I have no interest in his opinion or feedback on how I'm doing. I know that I have bettered my health and done what is right for my body and for the baby. And the other two doctors have only had good things to say. So THERE mean doctor! :)

Anyways, I just wanted to acknowledge that this doctor may have been completely rude to me but the end result was positive and I'm grateful and humbled by that.

Lastly, if anyone cares, last week I was dilated to a 2 and 60% effaced. Got checked again today and no additional progress. Boo. Maybe the full moon will work its magic on me tomorrow. I'm just really hoping I don't have to get induced. The more I have read and prepared for birth, the more I really want to be able to have this baby without medication. It just feels right and I'm scared an induction will make that nearly impossible. Pray that this baby decides to come on her own!

A Major Blessing

A miracle happened today; a major answer to prayers and worries. I got a job. We are going to have an income (very small but incredibly helpful).

We saved and saved for little baby Williams. We put away as much as we could when we were working in Utah, knowing that the expenses were going to come crashing down on us, just as the income stopped. Well, they crashed a bit harder and faster than we anticipated. Doctors bills kept coming from Utah, we had to start purchasing things for baby, and the car kept having issues, over and over again until finally it just had to sit in the garage for a while (we definitely learned how to rely on each other a lot more when this happened). This car has been our biggest headache in our marriage, but we are grateful to have two vehicles and so we hang on to it, with hopes that one day soon, we will have a steady income and therefore can make payments on a new car. So, after carefully planning our budget, thinking we were just barely going to make it, we were hit with $300 in car repairs...then once that was paid for, the car broke again, and we were hit with another $200. Not so big of a deal when you have an income, but when you don't, that sure drains savings fast. Anyways, with a little help, we were able to get those things taken care of and we were back on track to just squeaking by. (p.s. the breaking car was NOT my little '95 Ford Escort that I've had since high school. Shout out to my awesome car Stella, still going strong) We are on a very strict budget, living only off of what Mathew makes donating plasma twice a week. He's really dedicated. I help a little by teaching a few piano and sewing lessons. We also pay cash only now. It's been a great change for us.

Today, though, I gained new hope that we really will be okay. I have been checking craigslist off and on since we moved back, looking for a pregnant friendly job. After we had been here for a month, I pretty much gave up. The closer my due date came, the less likely I felt it was for me to get hired somewhere. Then, on a whim Monday, I was looking at jobs on craigslist and I see the most encouraging post title: "Part Time/At Home Secretarial". It seemed a little too good to be true, and being 37 weeks I figured I didn't have a chance anyways so I ignored it. For about 60 seconds. I debated whether or not to send my resume. I knew if I got an interview I'd show up with a giant belly and have to explain and defend myself. But something pushed me to apply. I felt very strongly that this would be a good fit for me and that I needed to at least try. So I did, and a little over an hour later, I had an interview set up for today.

Tuesday night, I got an email from the guy that said he needed to change my interview time to a little later in the day, which was totally fine with me, so I accepted. I waited all day Wednesday for a confirmation that I still had my interview and information about where to go. Nothing. I was so worked up. This morning, I still hadn't heard anything and I could not figure out what to do. I just kept telling myself to have faith and trust that it would all be okay. Sure enough, a little later, I received the much-anticipated email, the interview was still on. I continued prepping for my interview and on my way there, I just was so nervous. I wanted the job so bad and I was worried he would instantly turn me down since I am due so soon.

Well, turns out, this guy is a huge supporter of families and having employees with kids. His fifth kid is due in July. He had absolutely no problem with my pregnancy. He only had positive things to say about it. I kind of stumbled through the interview. I am definitely out of practice, but when it was all over, he offered me the job on the spot. He had so many nice and complimentary things to say about me and I think I could have just jumped for joy. 

So, now that I have written a complete novel, here is what the actual job is. I get to stay home and answer the phone, make phone calls, and schedule appointments. I will only be working a few hours a day, but it's completely perfect. It's low key enough that I really feel like I will be able to handle it after the baby is here. Everything about the job is perfect. I have always liked doing secretarial type work, and so to be able to do it and stay home with my baby is the biggest blessing. We are going to be able to take care of Ellie now. Plasma money was doing fine to feed us and get Mathew to school, but we wouldn't be able to buy diapers, and clothes, and everything else that's needed for a baby. Now we can. It will still be tight, but it's doable. I truly believe that this miracle came from paying our tithing. Even though I have been scared and unsure of how we were going to survive, I always knew we would somehow because we were paying our tithing. I admit that I had my doubts when the car kept having problems. I kept thinking, WHY is this happening when we are paying our tithing?! We are supposed to be getting blessings! I was quickly straightened out by Mathew and immediately had to repent for my murmuring, but I still was so confused. I tried so hard to be patient and trust that something good would happen and it did. I am so thankful and I can't wait to start working.

You Might Laugh...

Or you might be totally grossed out by this post. I hope you laugh. It took me a while to calm down and laugh myself but the laughter did come eventually. Part of me doesn't really know why I am willing to put this on the blogosphere, but the other part feels like it might make it less horrifying and even more comical. I think the second part is crazy but that's the part I am listening to.

I went for my walk today around one o'clock. I was ecstatic that it was less windy and that I was able to walk outside again. About an hour before I left, I ate some lunch and continued to drink water so I wouldn't be crampy during the walk. I started out feeling really good, aside from the fact that it was windier and more chilly than I was expecting. I got about half way through my walk (my route is 1.5 miles total) when I realized I had to go to the bathroom. No big deal, it usually happens when I'm walking so I wasn't concerned, and I just kept going, not that I had a choice. Our neighborhood isn't a circle, it's like a big U shape, so I have to follow the whole route back home, I can't cut across anywhere.

As I was heading back, I passed a couple houses of people I knew and strongly considered stopping to ask to use their bathroom, but I decided that would be too embarrassing and I could hold it until I got home. I started walking a little faster, but that only made my Braxton Hicks even worse, which did not help my ability to hold it, so I slowed down again. By the time I turned the last corner, I knew I was in trouble. Our house is only the third one down, so I picked up the pace again, almost turning it into a jog, just hoping and praying I would make it home. I had quite the hip swing going as I was trying to keep my legs closed by this point. I thought maybe if I called someone, it would take my mind off of the incredible urge. Didn't work. This person didn't answer and as I was putting my phone back in my pocket, the urge to pee hit me hard. I was not going to make it home. I was at the front of my neighbor's house, probably 10 feet from the edge of our yard. So close, but definitely too far to mean anything. I stopped to try and make a conscious effort to stop my bladder from releasing. I tried really hard, but within 2 seconds, I was peeing. Nothing I did could stop it. I just stood there and peed. I couldn't believe it was happening. I looked down and saw a puddle in the road and my soaked pants and was completely horrified. I WAS PEEING MY PANTS IN FRONT OF MY NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE!!!!

I think at this moment, I really realized I am 37 weeks pregnant. I have a baby pushing on my bladder. I have no bladder control anymore. I am going to be the mom that crosses her legs when she laughs or coughs or sneezes to keep from peeing. Well, as soon as my bladder had decided it was done, I sprinted across my lawn to our door. I didn't think I was capable of running at all at this point in my pregnancy, let alone being able to sprint with soaked pants...but with enough adrenaline, it can be done.

I still can't believe it happened. I can't believe I majorly peed my pants in front of someone else's house. I immediately threw my clothes in the wash and took pretty much the longest shower I've ever taken. All the while, trying to accept the events that just took place. I hope no one saw, but if they did, I hope they got a good laugh, or just thought my water decided to explode/break. Oh my gosh, I peed my pants and now I'm telling everyone. What the heck has happened to me?

Nesting?

I had an epiphany a couple of weeks ago. I was racking my brain trying to figure out why I was so sad and gloomy all the time. Then it hit me...I'm NESTING but I can't actually nest!! I want to prepare for this baby but I don't have anything to do about it! I don't have a nursery to decorate/organize, clothes to wash and get ready, money to buy fabric to make anything for her, extra money to stock up on food, etc. I know a lot of women deep clean when they start to nest, but it's kind of difficult when you're in a house furnished with other people's stuff, especially when that stuff is very unique and fragile. I don't want to touch anything! They have traveled the world and their decor has been brought from all over, so the last thing I want to do is start moving things around and messing with the priceless gems.

Even though I haven't been able to fully satisfy my nesting need, it was really nice to identify where the depression was coming from. Now I just remind myself that hopefully after my shower, I will be able to dive into baby prep a little bit more. On Sunday, we went to my parent's house for Easter. My mom and I worked really hard after church to get all the cooking/baking done. It was the first time I completely enjoyed baking and being on my feet for that long. I think I got a little pent-up energy out. It felt really good!

Also, I am ecstatic that spring seems to finally be making its arrival! I went for my walk outside today and it put me in the BEST mood! I have never been more anxious for spring. It felt like it would never come! I think I might even find a nice place outside to read my book today.

Finally, I noticed I got quite a few visits to my blog after I posted my food post and then removed it. I got a little embarrassed and shy after I posted, but if you'd like to know what it said, I have copied and pasted it below.

"With just over a month left (less than a month now!), I am starting to look forward to eating some food I sure have missed. Here is what I plan on eating absolutely as soon as possible after Ellie arrives.

1. Rare Steak. I really don't like fully cooked steak, but it's better than nothing.

2. Deli Sandwich. I have never really LOVED deli meat but oh man, I saw a deli sandwich at the grocery store yesterday and my mouth seriously started to water.

3. Hot Dogs!!!!!! At least the cheap kind. I'm tired of having to buy the expensive nitrate free dogs, even though they are incredibly delicious.

4. Pepperoni Pizza, oh how I have missed you. Plain cheese is just not as satisfying.

5. Brie. I want brie so bad!

6. Bacon, bacon, and more bacon. Specifically the bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit from McDonald's. Oh my I hate to admit that is like my favorite breakfast sandwich ever.

7. Lots of chocolate, darn stuff has started giving me heartburn!

Alright, that list seemed WAY longer in my head. Now it almost seems silly to post, but oh well. :)"

I would like to add that I know that some women still eat a lot of the foods on this list. However, I still avoid them after doing my own research and deciding that the risk (even if very minimal) is just not worth the added worry. I am also adding cookie dough to the list. I got an overwhelming craving to eat a huge chunk of dough when I was making sugar cookies on Sunday. It was so hard to not give in!