Improvement

It's amazing what a good cry and blog vent can do. After releasing all of my emotions in my last post, I tried really hard to improve my attitude. I decided that even though I am home alone a lot and it sucks sometimes, it is my reality and I am responsible for making it better. Instead of feeling guilty or lazy for not doing much during the day, I tried focusing on what I did accomplish and really ignored what didn't happen.

For example, Wednesday, I decided to pop in Mama Mia and work on a tutu for Ellie. Normally, I would have felt pathetic for sitting on the couch by myself for that long, but at least I was working on something. I enjoyed my movie. I didn't let myself feel like a failure because I didn't get all of the dishes done.

Lots of people keep saying things like, "enjoy it while it lasts" or "it's all going to change" or "you're really going to miss being able to have free time." Well, in case people haven't paid attention to the type of person I am...I LIKE being busy! I LIKE the fact that it's all going to change. That's just who I am. If I'm not busy, then as you can see from my last post, I'm lazy and depressed. I expect having Ellie to be a lot of work and that I won't get to sleep as long as I want, but I'm excited for that. My whole life I have looked forward to having a baby and being able to take care of someone. I know it will be challenging, but I like challenges. So, I would like it if people would stop telling me to enjoy my free/alone time, because it's not who I am. K? Thanks. :)

Whoops, I got of track again. :) I really just wanted to say, that things have been better since I have just tried to accept my current reality and be patient with myself. I have tried to set small goals for myself everyday...like my current one is to make our bed every morning. Seems small, but even if I accomplish nothing else for the day, I know I did that much and can be proud.