Rexburg's Evil Powers

I think Rexburg is cursed for Mathew and I. When we come here, it kind of means eat out like crazy. We have gone out of control once again, and once again, I have gained weight! Ugh. I am trying so hard to not get depressed right now. I become so in denial sometimes. I think to myself, oh it's just this one time, or oh it's a special date night, I can eat what I want. The excuse list goes on and on...and on...and on.

I've been feeling extra yucky lately. We had a rough couple weeks where G's Dairy kept calling our names and our starving student card was just begging to be used. That starving student card is almost more of a curse. I feel like we have to get our money's worth so I am always saying, let's go eat here and get one meal free! Then of course we order more than normal because something's free and I eat until I can barely move. It's disgusting. But sadly, I think I'm realizing that I have a food addiction and I think I'm invincible to bad food.

I have kept saying things need to change, no more eating out, no more frequent desserts, no more eating late at night. I say all of this and commit, but then I just CAN'T keep my commitments! I don't understand what happens to me when I come to Rexburg. It's SO frustrating! I make so many excuses not to go to the gym, or not to make dinner and then I figure since I already messed up in one day, it's not going to do any good to be better the rest of the day.

I met with a fitness consultant at school and he gave me a workout regimen to do for a couple weeks then meet up with him again. For the first week, I did absolutely nothing. I had a million excuses to not workout. However, Wednesday, I did it. I went to the gym and was so proud. Then aaalll day yesterday I promised myself I would go to zumba last night. (I have said I'd go to zumba many times previously but always failed to go). I had to repeatedly tell myself that I would go and finally I went and it was so much fun. I went by myself and felt kind of awkward at first but a few minutes in, I was hooked and just didn't care what I looked like. There were all kinds of people there and I didn't feel like I stuck out at all. Anyways, it was just tons of fun.

Maybe if I make a commitment on this blog, I will actually be better. I just want to be healthy, but I am so easily tempted by food. I absolutely hate counting calories but I might have to pick it up again, just to get an idea of where I actually am. I need to learn to say no. I've told Mathew I really need his help. I seriously can not do this by myself and I need someone there to always be encouraging me and help me make the right choices because clearly I can't make them on my own. What happened to that time when I lost 20 pounds no problem???? I want that attitude back. I guess I'll just have to dig around to find it.