Drama Queen

Okay okay okay. Let's all take a moment to roll our eyes one last time at my previous post. I was in a really bad place that night and blew things out of proportion. Not the first time. I still think I have a minor food addiction but it's not too late to fix it. I'm just surrounded by a bunch of crap and not wanting to resist it because it's too hard. We have two short weeks until we close on our house. I'm going to chill out and just do my best but not beat myself up if I don't eat very well these next two weeks.

In two weeks I will be in control of our food. I know what to eat to be healthy. I've done it before and I can do it again. Mathew is 100% on board with me this time which really helps too. We are going to do P90X3 and finish it. I'm so so so excited. We will have to workout super early in the morning but I feel so good whenever I do that. His job also has him take a one hour lunch so I'll have his help during that time.

At the advice of my sister, I decided to not publicly shame myself by posting food journals. There was no need for it. However, writing that post really really helped me chill out so I'm still glad I wrote it, despite the drama queen in me that came out. ;)

Hi, my name is Candace and I'm...

Addicted to food. Seriously. I have a legitimate food addiction. I see it come out every single time I stay at my parent's house. Suddenly I am surrounded by so much sugar that I don't normally buy that I literally can't control myself. My money is not tied to any of the food here and so it is extra hard to have discipline. When we are in our own house, I don't buy ice cream, cookies, candy, and I don't have a crepe machine with bottles of Nutella everywhere. Now, I don't mean to be rude towards my parents. I totally understand why they have what they do. They have grandkids and love to have a freezer with ice cream and a full cookie jar for when the kids come over. And the candy wall in the basement is supposed to just be for movie nights. And the crepe machine and Nutella is for a business. I get it. All the sugar has its purpose, but I can't handle it!!!!!

Within a couple days of being here, my pants were already tight. My stomach hurts because my pants are too tight. I don't have the courage to put on my size 8 shorts that I worked SO FREAKING HARD to fit into because I know I won't be able to button them anymore. I have always dreamed of being in a single digit size and it finally happened and I have thrown it all away within a week.

The more I read about food addiction, the more I'm convinced I have one. I never even considered it because I'm not incredibly overweight. Yes, I have weight to lose, but I felt okay. However, I have read the symptoms and I have all of them. I have a food addiction. My brain can not reason when surrounded by bad food. All I think about is food. When I'm eating a meal, I think about what I will eat at the next one. I'm about to go to an addiction recovery class because I feel so out of control.

I'm discouraged and beaten. I want to recover and go into "remission" but it seems impossible right now. I feel like a smoker who wants to quit but is in a room filled with cigarette smoke. There is just no hope for me right now. I have to be patient and wait until we close on our house and I can get back in my own routine and be in complete control of the groceries come in the house.

I have been trying to figure out the reasons BEHIND my addiction. These are what I have come up with:

1. I don't want to miss out on anything-I want to enjoy life and eat what I want.
2. It tastes really good and I will never have a toned body, so I might as well eat it and enjoy it.
3. I feel gross, so I'll eat this crap to make me feel better, then I feel gross from eating that so I'll eat more crap, and thus the cycle continues.
4. Boredom

That last one isn't really a reason behind an addiction, but I know it's affecting my ability to cope with the cravings and fight them off. I am so bored. All I think about is our house and that gets me excited so I eat, and then I can't do any projects for our house yet, which makes me sad, so I eat. It's awful and I can't believe I am admitting all of this on a blog but it is proving to be therapeutic for me.

I want to change. I really do, but it's hard to explain the struggle that goes on when I am around so much bad food.  So here is my plan. I need someone/something to be accountable to. I know that what would horrify me most is if people who read this blog were aware of what I eat. I plan to keep a daily journal for the next few weeks until we close on our house. I feel like if I know I have to write on my freaking blog what I eat everyday, then maybe I'll care a little more. I know I should want to change for my health, but I just can't find the motivation and strength right now. Not when I'm bombarded with my trigger foods. It's too much for my brain to handle. So please bear with me for the next few weeks while I post about food.

And don't judge too harshly.

This is really hard to post.

I would also like to clarify that I do NOT blame my parents for my weight gain and being out of control. I take full responsibility for my actions. It is not their fault.

Life Changing Products/Ideas

I think it's obvious that I don't blog anymore. Ever. But there are several things I would like to blog about if I were a serious blogger. I'm going to cram them all into one post. This post is dedicated to things I have discovered that have made my life easier. I hope you enjoy. (Oh the spinach pancake recipe will be in here somewhere-wherever I decide to throw it in)

1. Mason Jar Salads

I had heard of these so-called "mason jar salads" before and seen pictures on Pinterest. I looked into one blog and saw a giant food saver contraption and knew I would never venture into the land of mason jar salads. But then when my sister and I started The Doctor's Diet, she mentioned it to me and sent this hilarious video of these two crazy girls in which I learned about a $4.00 Ziploc tool that makes mason jar salads totally doable. I now buy the six pack of romaine lettuce at Costco and chop it all up at once and put it in my mason jars, pump the air out, stick it in my fridge, and I have prepped lettuce for days-weeks even! It's amazing. Watch the video for more info (pretend it's funny and you won't get annoyed)

Ziploc Product - found in your local Wal-Mart hidden away with all the Ziploc bags. Look closely and you will find it

Video

2. Better Life Cleaning Products

Okay I am a Shark Tank addict. I love watching it and try to buy any product I can from it. As soon as I saw these cleaning products I went straight to their website and bought some. I am addicted to them. I hated using regular anti-bacterial spray because I kept thinking about wiping my cooking surfaces and Ellie's high chair tray with a product you weren't supposed to ingest. It didn't make sense. The what-EVER! cleaner is my favorite. The citrus scent smells amazing and it cleans SO good and I don't worry about cleaning eating surfaces with it. The Even the Kitchen Sink is incredible. It cleaned our nasty rusted drain without breaking a sweat. And lastly, the Produce Wash. It stinks but does a heck of a good job getting waxes and crap off of produce.

3. Aroma Digital Rice Cooker

This is probably the best kitchen appliance I have. I didn't realize I was buying such a magical thing when I bought it. It is a rice cooker that is also a slow cooker that is also a sauté/simmer pot, that is also a steamer. My favorite quick and incredibly easy meal, is to put brown rice in the main cooker with lots of water and chicken bouillon cubes, then put the steamer basket on top with a frozen (yes frozen) chicken breast in it and cover it with frozen stir-fry veggies, season them up a bit (actually a lot) and push the brown rice button and I have a complete meal in about an hour with basically zero work. The only bad part is you have to make at least two cups of rice (dry) so you end up with a ton of rice. I always plan 3-4 meals with rice if I know I'm going to use it but it is so worth it.

4. Spinach Pancakes

Ellie hates vegetables. I keep putting them in front of her at ever meal and she avoids them. Except green beans, sometimes she'll eat those. Sometimes she will eat corn too. We're working on it, but until then, I put spinach in basically everything. I saw a recipe for spinach pancakes in my Family Circle magazine. I tried it and didn't like them. So I used my mother-in-law's pancake recipe which is the best pancake recipe EVER! They turned out amazing and Ellie loves them. I added chocolate chips in case she got freaked out by the green color. She scarfed two pancakes down so I call that a win. Recipe:

1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1/2 cup white flour

2 Tbsp sugar

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 egg

3 Tbsp oil

1 cup tightly packed spinach

3/4-1 cup milk or buttermilk (I used the last of my buttermilk and filled in the rest with whole milk)

1/2-1 cup chocolate chips (optional)

In medium bowl, mix your flours, sugar, baking powder, and salt. In a powerful blender, mix egg, spinach, and 1/2 cup milk. Blend it up really well. Pour the liquid mixture into the dry ingredients and mix. Add more milk until it reaches a semi-runny consistency. I don't know how best to describe this. I add milk until when I lift my spoon out and let the mixture drip off my spoon, it flows quickly and smoothly, and is not super thick. The more batches you make, the more you will figure out what consistency you like best. I did discover it took more milk than usual to compensate for all the spinach, so you may use more than 1 cup. Add in your chocolate chips. Cook an a griddle over medium heat until bubbles appear all over and start to burst. Flip and cook until golden brown. After they cool down, I spread them out on a cookie sheet and freeze until solid, then put them in a freezer bag to store. In the morning just zap one in the microwave for 30 seconds, put it with a side of fruit and you have a complete meal for a picky eater. Yeah!!

5. Cool measuring spoons

These are just cool and I like having them. Not really life changing.

6. Jamberry

Okay this is a new discovery. I have seen these come across my feed and always ignored them. I HATE having done-up nails. As a pianist, I liked and needed clean short nails. I hate when they get past my fingertip and I hate having my nails painted because I'm constantly obsessing about the paint chipping. I got a sample of these from my sister-in-law and fell in LOVE. They are so awesome and after doing several loads of dishes and definitely being hard on my nails, they have stayed perfect. I ordered a lot and am throwing a party next month so get ready. I don't throw parties for any products but this had to be an exception because they are that awesome.

7. Finger painting with Greek yogurt

I saw this on Pinterest and thought about it but kept forgetting until a FB friend did it and posted a picture. It was AWESOME. I made homemade edible finger paints for Ellie out of mostly corn starch and I hated the texture. They tasted disgusting but Ellie kept wanting to eat them. I figured all that corn starch probably wasn't good for her system so I threw them out

THE END!

DIY Project

We have been desperately in need of a new tv stand for about a year and half. When we first got married, we got my grandma's old tv and stand that it was on. It was one of those old heavy box tvs. It was great to me! It worked! Well, Mathew wanted a big tv for so long. At last, we were very fortunate and were able to get a snazzy giant tv that I have always felt was too big for us, but he loves it so I'm okay with it. Just kidding. I love it too. But really, at first, it was just too big.

Since we were poor, we just put it on that tv stand we already had. It drove me crazy!! The tv stand was too small for the other things that go along with the tv. The stereo and speakers were always on the sides on the floor, and the xbox had to be on top of the stereo. The blu-ray player was the only thing was a "place." Then when we got to Oregon, we added a cable box and internet router to that and I simply could not take it anymore. Something had to be done!

The old tv stand...without all the junk surrounding it. We were already in the process of switching it out.

We searched for a good tv stand that would work for us, but couldn't find anything. Nothing could fit the speakers, which was my main motivation for getting a replacement. So, since I'm surrounded by talented and crafty people, I got inspired and decided to remake something! Initially we planned to find a dresser to redo, but my friend and I went to Goodwill and found a desk that was perfect! I did have my doubts about it several times after we bought it and I was nervous that it wasn't going to work. But Mathew and I worked hard on that thing. We sanded, painted, and mod podged and turned that old desk into a tv stand that we LOVE. It's perfect and we couldn't be happier with how it looks! And I couldn't be happier with having all the dang things in their own place and the speakers off the floor. So without any more rambling by me, I give you a before and after:

Totally spaced taking an actual before picture. This is the desk in Goodwill-ignore the black thing and white thing on top.

 Ta-da!!!